I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize