My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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