Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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