saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
