You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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