Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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