btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
barbara walters just said penis...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
