it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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