i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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