I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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