I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
