You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize