if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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