I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
