I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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