So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
