I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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