yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
