Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
