i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
