my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
