I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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