Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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