i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
