there's paper in my vomit.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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