Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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