I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
