if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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