I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
