Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
