so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
