I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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