i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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