alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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