you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
