sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
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Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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