alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
