Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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