Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
