You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
