I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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