Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
