Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.