I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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