Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
