What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
