I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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