i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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