Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
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