Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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