just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
