East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
