420 ftw
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
