I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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