Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
