He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
