people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The Olympian is in my bed
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