my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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