If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
