You made me cry and you don't even care
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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