Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
