Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
