More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
"it" just moved
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
