This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
