There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
