It's a beautiful day for a hangover
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
