I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
