giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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