I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
