Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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