My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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