absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
