i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
