I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
