I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
sex in a hospital.. check
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
