saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
